Men, Why Are You Spending Money On First Dates?
A recent article on Jezebel.com focused on a woman who admitted taking advantage of men for free meals at expensive restaurants. The article chided her for dishonesty, but then rationalized it with some ad hominem attacks on men. Perhaps she should be looked down on for dishonesty. But that's not what is vexing me about this article. For the life of me, I cannot think of one earthly reason why a man should be spending money on a woman for a first date.
I'm almost 33 years old. I've been on dozens of first dates. And I have NEVER spent more than ten dollars. It has not stopped me from having great experiences with cool ladies. The majority of my male friends would say the same. Men, why are you dropping Benjamins on first dates? There is no good reason to do it. And lots of reasons not to. 1. Money can buy attention, but not respect. If you spend $$$ on a woman for the "privilege" of her company, she'll enjoy hanging out with you. She might even like you. I would enjoy hanging out with a woman who spent money on me, and you can bet I would try to find reasons to like her. But that doesn't mean I would take her seriously as a romantic option. You cannot buy respect from a woman. Men have a deep need to be respected by their partners, and worthwhile women want a partner they can respect. If $$$ is an expectation up front in the relationship, find another girl. Period. 2. Equality. This is 2011. If men and women are equal, there is no reason why women are entitled to special treatment from you. If any woman tries to cajole or shame you into spending $$$ I encourage you to say "No, because I believe in equality for women."3. If you ask her out, you should pay. But... One female response I hear quite often on this issue is "The person who asks should be the person who pays." And this makes sense. But the vast majority of my first dates came from informal agreements to get together. No event or dollar amount is agreed on beforehand. So that is still no reason for men to spend big money on dates. And there are a few women who initiate costly dates, then are surprised when the man doesn't pay for her share. That's just silly. 4. Money is not you. If the purpose of dating is to get to know each other, then do that. That doesn't cost money. It does take creativity and personality. If you are creative and have a personality, why are you dropping Benjamins in the first place? If you don't have a personality, use your money to get a life and then look for a girlfriend. Furthermore, if the girl actually wants to get to know you, she's not going to want a $$$$$$$$ date.
If you want to treat the woman to something nice on subsequent dates, that's fine. But don't do it unless you have evidence she actually cares about you. Addendum:
A "Sugar Daddy" arrangement would be an exception to these points, but I'm not going to go there.
